Gearing up for my second appointment

I'm off to the doctors again to hopefully sort a medication change.

I was very lucky with the first doctor I saw she was a lovely sympathetic female doctor who listened to what I had to say, took on board the little research I had done in the area and admitted that although she had not heard of the condition she would do her research into it and find out some more. She took on board what I had found out about treatment (again something I know a little more about now!) and prescribed Fluoxetine 20mg (Prozac) once a day.

Although this does seem to have taken the edge off a bit it's not taken it down to a level that I would be happy with and I've still got the physical symptoms which are getting me down especially the food cravings, weight gain and bloating.

So some recent research has thrown up this article to me
http://www.aafp.org/afp/2011/1015/p918.html

It is a wordy research article but it's well referenced and sums up treatment options well as their success rates in the small number of studies that have been done.

One treatment option that seemed to stand out to me was the idea of taking an SSRI (such as Prozac) once a day and then doubling the dose during the luteal phase (ie the two weeks before the period is due) so this is what I am going to ask to try if possible. It makes sense to me to do it this way due to the way SSRIs treat PMDD so hopefully the doctor will agree with me.

The only problem is the only appointment I could get is with the other female doctor in the surgery, as the previous doctor is fully booked and then on annual leave for a few weeks, and unfortunately I took my last Prozac yesterday so quite desperately need to get the prescription refilled, this doctor sent my other half and I for fertility tests (ie blood tests and sperm count) and because out results came back fine refused to refer us for further testing as we were still quite young (29!) and I had already had my son and that if we carried on trying for another year we might conceive (at this point we had been trying for 2 and a half year!) unlike my most recent doctor who referred me straight away to the gynaecology department at the hospital to get the tests done!

So understandably I am dreading being told "it's just PMS," or "I'm sure it's not that bad!"

Anyway I will update more on the appointment later. I'm still feeling rotten especially the bloating I hate going up two full dresses in a matter of days and the tiredness is really getting me down but I've done my last night shift until Saturday now so with two days rest I should be able to regroup and update the sections on this blog starting with treatment options!

Sorry I have been so negative and down I did not want this blog to turn into a poor me blog but I guess for two weeks out of four it will be! I will try and be as positive as possible!

Difficult days

Been having a hard couple of days to be honest, I'm due to start on Friday and I have honestly never looked forward to my period as much as I am right now I never thought I would say that!

We went out on Friday night to a Burlesque night and honestly the only way I could get through it without feeling like a fat ugly lump was by drinking quite a bit! We had a good night but I had that constant niggling voice at the back of my head telling me I looked a state.

Anyway the next day of course I woke up feeling like my head had an Irishman doing a jig in it, felt pretty rotten and seemed to spend the whole day snapping at everyone and feeling completely overwhelmed by noises and people around me, still managed to get around town and have lunch out with my family but felt completely incapable of going to the motorbike shop to order my new scooter.

Sunday we had food shopping to do again I was snappy and vile I had this constant rage bubbling underneath and found myself snapping about stupid things that normally don't matter to me normally. My son had his friend over to play luckily they went up to his room and kept each other amused for the afternoon so I was able to nap on the sofa while my partner kept an ear out for them. I woke after a 2 hour nap still feeling exhausted and was unable to concentrate on my knitting and crocheting that evening and instead of making the lovely healthy roast I was planning to make we ended up ordering Pizza Hut not good!

Monday saw me up early to do the school run which I snapped and moaned my way through it felt like my dear son was doing everything he possibly could to drive me barmy! After dropping him off I went straight to the supermarket brought a shed load of completely unhealthy things to eat for breakfast same home stuffed myself silly and then fell asleep on the sofa for 4 hours.

Again I woke feeling like I hadn't slept in months but with a lot of persuasion from my partner I got dressed and went with him to pick my son up from school and even managed to hold a conversation with his teacher without too much trouble, we then went to the bike shop I should have been so excited, this scooter is a way for me to become more independent and to give me more time during the week as well as being able to get to and from my nights shifts easily but all I could feel was dread, worrying my credit would be turned down or some other trivial thing would stop it going through, all completely irrational fears which actually didn't happen. The scooter will be ready next Tuesday, and I'm doing my CBT on Saturday but still I felt miserable.

I had work that night and went off to my shift but felt completely at sea, exhausted, and unable to concentrate, luckily though it was a busy night which kept me awake and engaged in something.
On the way home at 8am I again stopped to get bad food and text my Slimming World consultant to say I wouldn't be coming to weigh in, I just could not face it especially as I know I will have gained so much weight this week. Two steps forward two steps back I HATE PMDD!

Now I have finished another night shift and one more to go tonight and I am beyond exhausted, fed up, angry (at what I can't even tell you it feels like everything!), fuzzy headed and sore, Every part of my body hurts and I am so bloated.

I am due on tomorrow and I am having the internal debate with my womb, my partner and I have been trying for a baby for 3 years now with no success we are just about to initiate the fertility specialist route starting with initial blood test etc before our first hospital appointment so every time I'm due on I have these evil symptoms, I feel nauseous, my breasts are so painful and I'm exhausted, all pregnancy symptoms but it never is and part of me is glad I have come on because it means two weeks of feeling normal before it starts again, but another part of me is devastated as it means another month of not having our very much wanted child and another fortnight approaching that will make me feel miserable and ill and with no end in sight.

I swear if we ever do get pregnant I will be having another c-section (no doubt about that!) but I will be begging them to take everything out so I never have to experience this again!

I've got a doctors appointment tomorrow morning to discuss my meds with a GP but more on that later I should be getting some sleep ahead of tonight's night shift, I'm freezing though so I might be putting another blanket on the bed and bed socks on!